


Call me insane

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek Reboot, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Death, Mention of attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 15:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jim wasn't listening but then he was and then Bones wasn't listening but then he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call me insane

**Author's Note:**

> Late night headcanons and the absolute need to spew it all out in ficlet form and this is what you get. Please note this was finished at 5 am and there was only one quick review at 1 am the next day ok so don't hold me on any mistakes I may have made or on how dumb this is.  
> Also this is for Erin, for feeding my very small baby feelings for McKirk and turning them into a soul-eating monster. In a good way.

Jim can't even remember what originated McCoy's ongoing spew of words. He remembers something about allergies and how "it's important to get your shots on time, damn it, Jim, if I have to drag you to sickbay one more time, it will be right from your precious chair, in front of the entire bridge crew, you'll see."  
He's not listening anymore, but if he started again now, he'd be lost in a complete and detailed list of all the lethal diseases he can spontaneously contract at any given second unless he starts "behaving like a goddamn adult".  
No, he's not listening. He can hear him, footsteps soft on the carpet of Jim's quarters and voice rough and annoyed, but not without genuine concern. He can see him, articulate and excessive hand gestures, furrowed brow, and the kind of messy hair that lets it be known there was an attempt at taming it, albeit a failed one. But there's nothing on his mind. Nothing except the little box he's clenching his shaking fist around, inside one of his jacket's pockets.  
"Bones..." he tries with a small voice. It's all he can manage, after all.  
"Don't 'Bones' me, you know damn well I'm right and I don't know why you keep insisting on dodging the hypos, you know I'll find you again sooner or later, it's not like you can really hide anyway,-"  
"Bones." He repeats, steadier then before.  
"-after all you've got a ship to run, which really is just another reason why you should watch out for your health, I mean, what kind of Captain-"  
"Bones." This time it's loud and clear.  
"What?" McCoy turns in Jim's direction, finding that he needs to look down in order to actually see him. "What are you doing on your knees? Get up, this is serious."  
"So is this." he stopped shaking long enough to get the damn box out. McCoy freezes at the sight of it. He remembers being on the other side of this. Didn't end so well.  
"Jim..." he manages some sort of choked up whisper at the shiny gold circle visible inside the now open box.  
"Leonard Horat-"  
"Don't even dare." Later he wonders how he managed to climb out of the hole he was quickly sinking into just for the split second necessary to keep Jim from using his middle name.  
"Leonard... H. McCoy, will you marry me?"  
He's gaping at him. Jim wonders whether that look is of confusion, terror, disgust, disbelief or something else he can't quite place. He also wonders if being downright rejected would be better than the smothering silence, but not for long, since McCoy breaks it, as well as the empty gaze he was holding on Jim, eyes now fixed on nothing at all, or the floor, Jim can't tell.  
"Did I ever tell you how my father died?"  
He's still on his knees as he lets his arms fall at his sides. He doesn't close the box.  
"A simple 'no' would be more than enough for me to handle, you know?"  
"He was sick, really, really sick. No cure." Jim was gonna say something about how rude it is to ignore someone's proposal but he noticed the change in Bones' voice. He also noticed he was still on his knees and was quick to correct it and slowly made his way to McCoy as he went on. "He couldn't take it anymore, he was begging me to end it. I couldn't, of course. Not for months." Kirk was facing him, two feet away. "Until I couldn't see him like that anymore. He didn't want to live, not like that. So I did it."  
He paused for so long Jim thought that was it and that he was supposed to say something. "I'm sorry" was all he managed.  
"They found a cure, just a few months later." Jim forgot to breathe for a second. "I killed him, Jim. I killed my dad."  
"Bones... you didn't-"  
"And the guilt almost killed me. Or I did, or tried to." Kirk bit his lip as his eyes swelled up a little. Not a pleasant thought. "That's about the time my marriage went to hell. I felt nothing at all by the end of the divorce and when I finally felt something I drowned it in bourbon. Still do."  
"Bones..."  
"I couldn't let you think it's a good idea to do this with me without knowing why it didn't work out the first time. Not that it was the only reason, but it sure didn't help."  
"Bones."  
"So I had to tell you. And no sane person would keep thinking it's a good idea-"  
"Call me insane, then."  
McCoy (finally) looks up at him again, and there's that little golden circle again, this time bare in Jim's hand. He doesn't say a word for a few long seconds.  
"Oh, for fuck's sakes-"  
"Yes."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes."  
Kirk's eyes lit up to the brightest blue Bones had ever seen them but he only had one second to enjoy the view, which was about the time it took Jim to slip the shiny ring on his finger and throw him on his bed, as it was right behind them, as the next thing he knew Jim's lips were on his, pressing but soft and sweet and warm and safe, as he always was. When they pulled apart, Kirk snuggled up against McCoy's shoulder, smiled and ran a hand through his hair, then down his neck until it settled on his chest with a light grip on his shirt.  
"I can be your bourbon, you know? Any time." Bones chuckled but he got the point.  
"I love you."  
Jim's smile widened at McCoy's words and his clutch on his shirt tightened as he closed his eyes.


End file.
